Abs

Every time I open this blog, or get on facebook, or even try to read the International Herald and Tribune, this ad floats to the side about 5 ways to have flat abs or three secrets to getting rid of belly fat, or how to look great in that tux or--well, you get the idea. So, I have been giving this a lot of thought.

I actually clicked on the d--- thing one time, and of course got an unending stream of motivational babble that told me nothing, but did have a $39.95 price tag at the bottom of the scroll.

I have been observing some guys at the fitness center (Lynn says I can't call it a gym) doing the ab crunch thing with all those convoluted machines. One of them I recognized from my last visits to the f.c. He still has the same beer gut as three years ago.

I am usually oblivious to what going on around me --you know, shy, self absorbed, reading a book-- but, while at the Plaza waiting for the family last week, a fabulously attractive young woman walked by. I think it was the whiff of Chanel No.5 (always remember that scent--my first girl friend from high school left a lasting impression) that made me look up. I will admit, her simple, fresh beauty took my breath away. Then she smiled. Unconsciously, without hesitation--just a physical bodily reaction--I straightened up, quickly sucked in a deep breath, and guises what--for just a few seconds, I had great abs.

So, there it is friends. Save the $39.95. Quit giving yourself stomach cramps at the gym. No more embarrassing yourself with that yoga ball. Here is the secret to truly great abs:

Take a deep breath. Suck it up. GREAT abs--at least for three seconds.

Blogging the Blob

With my boobs hanging low, bouncing to and fro, I decided it was time to get serious about losing weight. But what to do.... I have tried Weightwatchers, Nutrasystem, Slimfast, diet pills, Jenny Craig, yada, yada,.. all with minimal results. The group sessions are great motivators, but all is temporary. So, this fall I found the secret to weight loss and management. Yes, I have lost a few pounds. I survived the holidays. I have maintained my wight loss for more than 10 days. See. I am a success. I should write a book. My system is foolproof, 100% guaranteed, and cost effective. Here is it:

Eat less. Exercise more.

If I don't put it in my mouth, it's not a calorie. If I walk an extra block, I not only lose the calories I did not put into my mouth, but doubled the investment. Geeeze, wish I had figured this out 20 years ago. Pass the cookies.