Number 4

"I will order Number 4, please. Diet Coke. Arigato."

I've done it dozens of times. While I always prefer the local fare, some pastures are just too expensive to graze through, so the fast food joints that are taking over the global urban landscape, become the feeding trough of folks like me.

So, I am standing in a McD's in Shinjuku ordering the Number 4. I place my hand on the picture. I say the words. The girl takes my yen. The change doesn't look quite right, but I decide to wait for the order before saying anything.

I wait. Other orders pass by. I wait.

Ahh, here she comes---with 1,2,3,4--four drinks. She is smiling. "Diet Coke." she says sweetly. Now, I know I have a beer gut (moniker not deserved, since the gut comes from drinking diet cola, not beer, and spending too much time on my butt in front of a computer --but no one believes me, and who cares, anyway), but I cannot drink four in a row. What is she thinking? She stands smiling at me, obviously pleased that she has a satisfied customer.

"I am so sorry," I begin, " but I meant that I would like to order one set. One number four."
Confusion. She seeks the help of another. They confer. He and She look my way frequently as they discuss the situation. The manager is called over. All approach me with caution. Using my warmest smile and gentlest tone, I try once more.

"I would like ...to order... this." I point to the picture. "A cheeseburger..., fries..., and one... diet... coke. Set... (my finger draws a circle around the picture) number... four."

Understanding turns the girl's face into a shade of bright red. Her co-worker is laughing. The manager shrugs and takes the four drinks ... somewhere. She comes to the cash register. Again, confusion. The manager is called back. They punch keys on the register. It beeps vigorously. Nothing happens. The manager moves to another machine. Entries are made. Keys are punched. the drawer opens. He come back with change. My original investment.

"Please come again."

A few minutes later, in another restaurant, I ate sushi.